Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of kelownagoose's best tweets

@kelownagoose : In case of emergency, run faster than everyone else.

@kelownagoose: A grown mans' nemesis should not be a classmate of my 7 year old.

But here we are.

*knocks juice box out of her hand.

@kelownagoose: Fun game:

Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says...

"Wow...Are you sure that was for me?"

And wait.

@kelownagoose: Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early.

@kelownagoose: "I sure hope that was a cracker"

-Me eating in the dark.

@kelownagoose: If you have your underwear on over top of your pants, I'll let you in line in front of me at the pharmacy.

@kelownagoose: I have an awful lot of shampoo and conditioner for a single bald dude