Funny Tweeter

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Page of kibblesmith's best tweets

@kibblesmith : Willy Wonka: Welcome to my chocolate factory!
Kid: I love chocolate!
Willy Wonka: It's death for you. I also make gum!
Next kid: I love gum!
Willy Wonka: Death. Anyone else here love anything?
Next kid: ... I like TV?
Willy Wonka: ............ Death.

@kibblesmith: Well my name's Harry Potter and I'm here to say
That half of my movies looked wet and gray

@kibblesmith: Mickey Mouse's pants out of context look like something that would try to kill Mario.

@kibblesmith: It would be awesome if the Joker movie ended with Batman yelling “Oh HELL no” off camera and swooping in and just beating the absolute shit out of him.”

@kibblesmith: Me: If you wear a bikini to the zoo is it a zucchini
LeBron: I...is this the right room? The nurse said you were dying
Me: Dying to meet you

@kibblesmith: Spins a web.

Any size.

Catches thieves.

Just like flies.

He waits.

The thieves come.

The web is sticky. The more they struggle, the more entangled they become.

He cocoons them and drains their fluids. The rest will feed his young.

Look out.

Here comes the Spider-Man.

@kibblesmith: I bet the Sorting Hat ceremony is really fascinating at first and then he starts taking his sweet time on the eleventh kid and you realize there’s 200 more and you’re not allowed to look at your phone.

@kibblesmith: Hear me out. If Batman is canonically about 32 then he was born in 1986. And if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was ten years old, then there is a very real possibility

that they were seeing Space Jam.

@kibblesmith: Hold up how is Popeye strong enough to squeeze a metal can of spinach into his mouth BEFORE he's eaten the spinach

@kibblesmith: Parents Then: YOU'RE GOING TO SMOKE THE WHOLE CARTON, MISTER.
Parents Today: Explain it to me again ... You're a Nazi, but on the computer?