@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, I don't think you're really suited for the role of librarian
BRIAN BLESSED: WHY NOT?
@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form
ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left
ME: I would like two complaint forms
@kiel_phillips: JELLYFISH: *to friend* Want to see something disgusting? Watch this.
FRIEND: That wasn't dis...
JELLYFISH: Wait a minute.
@kiel_phillips: DOCTOR: I think you have a curvature of the upper spine
QUASIMODO: That a diagnosis?
D: We need an X-ray to confirm. Right now it's a hunch
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea
WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with?
DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: So, do you have any questions for me?
ME: What's the Wi-Fi password?
I: About the job
M: What is the company Wi-fi password?
@kiel_phillips: ME: I'd like to return a defective boomerang
SHOPKEEPER: Ok. Where is it?
ME: I have no idea
@kiel_phillips: *Bee lands on flower covered in another flower's pollen*
FLOWER: What's that?
BEE: I can explain
F: I don't want to hear your lies, Ian