Funny Tweeter

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Page of kimtopher22's best tweets

@kimtopher22 : How many towels can your young adult son use when he visits? All of them. Even ones you've forgotten you own.

@kimtopher22: Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year and wanted it to be over?
Good times.

@kimtopher22: Some generations will never know having to drive by someone's house to see if they're home.

@kimtopher22: A minute, 45 seconds.

How long I'll hold my hands under a restaurant faucet before I finally realize it's not motion activated.

@kimtopher22: "I left my carrot cake from the restaurant in the Uber" and other sad tales of city living.

@kimtopher22: A man approached me at a bar and tried to woo me with burritos. This is next level genius.

@kimtopher22: My son, frantically calling and texting, as if life depended upon it.
He's brokered world peace?
Severed a limb?
Celebrating an international business deal?
How does one make tacos.

@kimtopher22: I'm whitening my teeth while I bake so I don't eat and OMG, guys, did you know brownie batter is still amazing mixed with hydrogen peroxide?

@kimtopher22: I'm sporting Cameron Diaz' *Something About Mary" hairdo, but tragically, the magic ingredient is Cadbury Crème egg filling.

@kimtopher22: My neighbor accidentally called me "love" in a text looking for his cat and now we have more reason to never make eye contact again.