explaining cat scratches is like defending an abusive boyfriend to your parents “he didn’t mean it” “you guys just don’t know him like I do”
i can always see the flash of disappointment n a guy’s face when i tell them i have a great relationship with my dad.
a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians
if I ever go missing, it won’t be hiking. you guys don’t even have to look there.
Earth? yeah, I’d hit that -meteor
“Got any drugs or alcohol on you?”
“yup, I’m all set. Thanks Officer”
I have, a really beautiful body
under my floor boards