Producer *At a stuntman’s funeral*: He died for our scenes.
To be frank, I’ll need to commit an identity fraud.
*steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this?
Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.
[How the rap feud started]
Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b’day party?
2pac: sure, no biggie
Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]
Me [sneezes]: excuse me
Guy at the bus stop: [starts crying] my ex used me too, man.