@knot_eye: [sees woman reading]
"Gone With The Wind? Great book! I love how the *clenches fist* tornado takes Dorothy & Toto to the Land Of Oz."
@knot_eye: [ouija board]
How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?
@knot_eye: I was so happy my mail order bride arrived today.
My Wife wasn't.
She did say I can use the crate as a doghouse.
Odd, we don't own a dog.
@knot_eye: [at work]
CW: Hey, I found your Twi...
Me: *jumps out window*
@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.
@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it.
Him: I have a photographic memory.
Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky?
@knot_eye: Me: You say all the right things.
Her: I didn't say anything.
Me: Shhh Don't ruin this for me.
@knot_eye: I can't be the only one that sees the day when
a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM.
@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?