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Page of knot_eye's best tweets

@knot_eye : A group of eavesdroppers is called a heard.

@knot_eye: Podiatrists don't use metric.

They only deal with feet.

@knot_eye: [sees woman reading]

"Gone With The Wind? Great book! I love how the *clenches fist* tornado takes Dorothy & Toto to the Land Of Oz."

@knot_eye: [ouija board]

How are you feeling?

*board begins spelling*

What the!? A cheesy board!?


@knot_eye: I was so happy my mail order bride arrived today.

My Wife wasn't.

She did say I can use the crate as a doghouse.

Odd, we don't own a dog.

@knot_eye: [at work]

CW: Hey, I found your Twi...

Me: *jumps out window*

CW: ...Twinkies.

@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.

@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it.

Him: I have a photographic memory.
[shakes violently]

Her: ?

Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky?

Her: NO

@knot_eye: Me: You say all the right things.

Her: I didn't say anything.

Me: Shhh Don't ruin this for me.

@knot_eye: I can't be the only one that sees the day when
a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM.