I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you’re looking for a life coach or whatever.
Her: I bet you forgot it.
Him: I have a photographic memory.
Him: Sorry, it’s a Polaroid. Is it Becky?
Me: You say all the right things.
Her: I didn’t say anything.
Me: Shhh Don’t ruin this for me.
I can’t be the only one that sees the day when
a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM.
Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
Siri, when does the restraining order expire?
My dog was just licking my ear.
I didn’t stop her.
I always use a short cut when I’m going to knife fight a midget.
I often wondered what it’d be like to be married to an idiot.
I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.