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@knot_eye : Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
@knot_eye: Siri, when does the restraining order expire?
@knot_eye: Relationship Status:
My dog was just licking my ear.
I didn't stop her.
@knot_eye: I always use a short cut when I'm going to knife fight a midget.
@knot_eye: I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot.
I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
@knot_eye: Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
@knot_eye: "Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives, laying low, on the run..."
- condescending con descending
@knot_eye: "Well ... I'll be dammed."
Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.
@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.