Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of knot_eye's best tweets

@knot_eye : Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.

@knot_eye: "Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives, laying low, on the run..."

- condescending con descending

@knot_eye: "Well ... I'll be dammed."

Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.

@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.

@knot_eye: I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140.

@knot_eye: Dear Ad Agencies,

Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials.

On behalf of dog owners everywhere,


@knot_eye: This bottle of vodka was on sale.

So yes, I will party like it's $19.99.