Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of knot_eye's best tweets

@knot_eye : Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.

@knot_eye: "Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives, laying low, on the run..."

- condescending con descending

@knot_eye: "Well ... I'll be dammed."

Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.

@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.

@knot_eye: I was gonna do a tweet about Albert Einstein's IQ but I couldn't get it under 140.

@knot_eye: Dear Ad Agencies,

Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials.

On behalf of dog owners everywhere,

Thanks!

@knot_eye: This bottle of vodka was on sale.

So yes, I will party like it's $19.99.