@ksujulie

[Called daughter’s phone. Got voicemail greeting.]

IN THE EXACT VOICE OF DORA THE EXPLORER

11: Hola! Soy Dora! Can you. Find. The end button?

@ksujulie

Me: Go clean your room.

10: No, thanks. It’s not Mother’s Day yet.

@ksujulie

“Hi, my daughter will be late to school because she can zip up her jacket by herself.”

@ksujulie

Ice cream employee: I didn’t know you had kids! You always come in by yourself.
Kids: WHAT?! MOM!

It’s like she didn’t want a tip.