@laurenmacdonald

I wonder how long until my guy friends figure out I only invite them over to kill bugs for me

@laurenmacdonald

I use the phrase “when I win the lottery” a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.

@laurenmacdonald

If I give my dog a toy that doesn’t make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.

@laurenmacdonald

Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else.

@laurenmacdonald

There’s a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there’s pulp in their orange juice.