defendant: *into mic* um can I say something?
defense attorney: NO!
ghost of dead lawyer: NO!
random stranger: NO!
defendant’s family in courtroom: NO!
dear law students: nothing in the civil rules prohibits yelling out latin phrases like harry potter spells.
My client has retained me to cancel plans with you.
Hi you’ve reached my voicemail, this is by far one of the absolute worst ways to get in touch with me….leave a message.
I need to work on controlling the look on my face when I’m listening to stupid people.
court: counsel why are you yelling your questions from back there?
me: i’ve got my phone plugged in back here your honor.
Them: sir there’s no food allowed in here.
Me: this is my service burrito.
Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.
*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You’ll be fine.