@leannuh

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is the worst advice ever.

That’s literally where title is. And the description. All the information about the book besides the actual story is ON THE COVER.

@leannuh

Dear Starbucks:

The pumpkins called. Even they think it’s too early.

@leannuh

“Hey dude, my eyes are up here, and over here, and over here too.”

-a potato

@leannuh

*first date*

Her: I’m a criminologist.

Me, trying to impress: I have six bodies in my attic.

@leannuh

According to the Chinese zodiac, it’s the year of the dog, or “who’s a good year?!”

@leannuh

Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me.

Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend.

Wow you’re fast.

@leannuh

I formerly apologize to my mother for any and everything that follows that she inevitably won’t approve of. #TheFirstLineInMyAutobiography