@leftarmisme

If someone is whistling they:

1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone

@leftarmisme

Whenever you introduce someone, put air quotes around their name.

I want you to meet my friend “Ami”

@leftarmisme

Kid being grounded in 1978:

YOU CAN’T GO OUTSIDE. YOU MUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM.

Kid being grounded in 2018:

YOU CAN’T STAY IN YOUR ROOM. YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE.

@leftarmisme

Roses are red
Xanax is blue
When one just won’t work
Go ahead and take two

@leftarmisme

Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.