@leftarmisme
People are shocked when I tell them I’m a horrible electrician
@leftarmisme
@leftarmisme
If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
@leftarmisme
Whenever you introduce someone, put air quotes around their name.
I want you to meet my friend “Ami”
@leftarmisme
Kid being grounded in 1978:
YOU CAN’T GO OUTSIDE. YOU MUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM.
Kid being grounded in 2018:
YOU CAN’T STAY IN YOUR ROOM. YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE.
@leftarmisme
My house isn’t messy.
It’s ‘Picasso-ish’.
@leftarmisme
Roses are red
Xanax is blue
When one just won’t work
Go ahead and take two
@leftarmisme
Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.