People are shocked when I tell them I’m a horrible electrician
If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
Whenever you introduce someone, put air quotes around their name.
I want you to meet my friend “Ami”
Kid being grounded in 1978:
YOU CAN’T GO OUTSIDE. YOU MUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM.
Kid being grounded in 2018:
YOU CAN’T STAY IN YOUR ROOM. YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE.
My house isn’t messy.
Roses are red
Xanax is blue
When one just won’t work
Go ahead and take two
Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.