@leifromloihi

good morning, this is your captain speaking. my parents made sure that from a young age i understood that there are things worse than death.

@leifromloihi

[opens fortune cookie]

be careful what you wish for

[opens another]

this is your final warning

@leifromloihi

oh the aliens aren’t speaking to us right now because idk they’re pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever

@leifromloihi

i was one of the palm trees waving around in the background of every 16 bit game in the 90’s so yes random guy you do know me from somewhere

@leifromloihi

[pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators