Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of leslid79's best tweets

@leslid79 : I wish there was a show called "Lifestyles of the Twitter Famous" so we could all see how nice your mom's basement is.

@leslid79: 1. Change last name to Crunch.
2. Join the military.
3. Work my way up to Captain.
4. Become Captain Crunch.

@leslid79: Oh, you solved a murder? I guess that's cool. One time I didn't run over my ex when I saw him crossing the street. I prevented a murder.

@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.

@leslid79: "I'm gonna cramp your style." - Menstruation

@leslid79: Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya.

@leslid79: 32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing.