@li4mst3w4rt

alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, “why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?”

@li4mst3w4rt

friend: “we should have a drink sometime”

*never contacts them again*

@li4mst3w4rt

me: it’s too hot

*opens window*

*in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar*

(HELP)

@li4mst3w4rt

my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook…