@librarianfonz

I hope when the Incredible Hulk and Kool-Aid Man retire they’ll open up a small demolition business together.

@librarianfonz

I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively.

@librarianfonz

My job is like defeating a final boss in a video game: I spend hours doing it, and when I finally do, it doesn’t matter to anyone else.

@librarianfonz

An idea only achieves transcendence after it is:

1. Published as book
2. Made into a feature film
3. Turned into an amusement park ride

@librarianfonz

Google won’t replace librarians. The internet is like giving someone a fire hose when all they asked for was a glass of water.

@librarianfonz

There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.

@librarianfonz

“I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch.” — bibliophiles, to books

@librarianfonz

Growing up in a household dominated by females, you learn:

1. The importance of listening
2. 101 euphemisms for “the monthly visitor”

@librarianfonz

It’s especially on Fridays at 5 pm when I wish I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.