Him: I hope you die a slow painful death
Me: oh, no I’m not married
Population Control: Make birth control a psychedelic.
Him: What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?
Me: oh, um, science.
The most stable relationship I’ve had is with a guy at the gym who has no idea we’ve been dating for the past year.
I’m not gonna let something like a restraining order get in the way of a love as special and unique as ours.
Shhhhh. Stop crying.
It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: “your turn”