Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@living_marble : The world is my oyster. Expensive and gross.
@living_marble: One thing books from 100 years ago teach us is that if you leave a baby in the jungle, it'll be fine. Better than fine, actually.
@living_marble: Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.
@living_marble: None for me. I'll eat when I'm dead
"You don't understand how that saying works, do you?"
I'll understand how the saying works when I'm dead
@living_marble: It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six.
@living_marble: "Go to hell" is so abstract. "Get trapped in a porta potty for 67 months." Now that's specific. That's possible. That's terrifying.
@living_marble: "Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!"
"Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?"
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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