I’ll bet cutting out gluten didn’t change your life as much as forgetting birth control changed mine.
My godmother just saw my tweet about sending naked pictures, and she was so excited she posted it to Facebook and tagged my parents. What a time to be alive.
Big thanks to everyone who bought us wedding china. I think about you every time we move.
Has anyone tried flipping to the beginning of 2020 and choosing a different adventure?
Sometimes I hide condiments from my husband by moving them 3 inches to the left.
My 4yo daughter happily announced that it was “murder season” today, and it took a solid 10 minutes to realize she meant crape myrtle, not murder.
In the 2020 Little Mermaid, Ariel decides to stay underwater.
A lady from the Texas tax office just told me that there was no way I could screw up the form I need to fill out. I feel like that’s just a failure of imagination on her part.
4: Let’s play.
4: You can be the mommy.
4: You’ll have to figure out what all the kids eat.
Me: Nope, I’m out.
Someone at the grocery store yelled “space” dramatically, and I responded with “the final frontier,’ and now I need a new grocery store.