@lmegordon

I’ll bet cutting out gluten didn’t change your life as much as forgetting birth control changed mine.

@lmegordon

My godmother just saw my tweet about sending naked pictures, and she was so excited she posted it to Facebook and tagged my parents. What a time to be alive.

@lmegordon

Big thanks to everyone who bought us wedding china. I think about you every time we move.

@lmegordon

Has anyone tried flipping to the beginning of 2020 and choosing a different adventure?

@lmegordon

Sometimes I hide condiments from my husband by moving them 3 inches to the left.

@lmegordon

My 4yo daughter happily announced that it was “murder season” today, and it took a solid 10 minutes to realize she meant crape myrtle, not murder.

@lmegordon

In the 2020 Little Mermaid, Ariel decides to stay underwater.

@lmegordon

A lady from the Texas tax office just told me that there was no way I could screw up the form I need to fill out. I feel like that’s just a failure of imagination on her part.

@lmegordon

4: Let’s play.

Me: Ok.

4: You can be the mommy.

Me: Sure.

4: You’ll have to figure out what all the kids eat.

Me: Nope, I’m out.

@lmegordon

Someone at the grocery store yelled “space” dramatically, and I responded with “the final frontier,’ and now I need a new grocery store.