Am I religious? Not really.
Am I praying nobody else pukes tonight? Lord yes.
I hope the hot young mom across the street stops mowing the lawn soon. I don’t want my husband having any inappropriate thoughts, like I might start doing yard work.
Let’s play doctor. You tell me about your chronic pain, and I’ll stare at a laptop the whole time, then recommend you lose weight.
My neighbor with a toddler is over here telling me what life is like with one kid like I got my children in a 3-pack.
How have I survived a year stuck at home with three kids? Badly. Thanks for asking.
I love pictures of my children because they don’t talk back.
My current hobbies include buying crap that my kids don’t need and complaining that my kids’ crap is everywhere.
The kids complained that I was making them run laps around the house for exercise, so now they’re running laps with a vacuum cleaner.
I shrunk my husband’s hoodie in the dryer, so now I have to convince him that he gained 30 pounds overnight to hide my mistake.
My toddler is holding a calculator and shouting things at me I don’t understand. I feel like I’m back in my college math class.