Everyone loves a picture of a good rack.
Never once in my life have I found a pen when I need it, so please explain to me why my toddler always has a pen in her hands.
Want to know the secret to looking young? Pick up a bottle of sunblock, and put it on 20 years ago.
My son asked why my legs are “so fat.” You’re damn right I’m here for validation.
My toddler only has 3 words, but she can already argue with me.
I find few things more alarming than a toddler with a permanent marker in her hand.
That hospital class on parenting I took didn’t include enough wrestling tips.
I’m a math truther now. Infinity is a lie. Numbers stop at 39.
Might send husband a nude so he’ll come upstairs. Then I’ll make him help with the laundry.
Me: I lost 3 pounds!
Domino’s: I found them for you.
I took the kids to an orchard in the country today, where we crossed paths with a friendly and very handsome man who was fixing the wiring in one of the gazebos. Now I’m worried we stumbled into a Hallmark movie by mistake.
People who find your stuff, then claim it’s theirs:
1. Colonialists
2. Sisters
I put on my husband’s deodorant and now I’m angry at the way I load the dishwasher.
5: Whose car is this?
Grandfather: Well, let’s figure it out. I just got here and the car just got here. Whose car do you think it is?
5: Mine.
My dad never missed an opportunity to work during a family vacation. I never understood why until I had kids.