@lmwortho

My condolences to all the pets called stupid names.

@lmwortho

My dog plays tug of war in a ‘keep it, you want it more than me’ fashion.

@lmwortho

“People are acting crazy” says the interviewed shopper with the shopping cart piled high.

@lmwortho

Me: If you become a lawyer, I’ll disinherit you
16: From what?
Me: …well played

@lmwortho

I’m pretty sure this happened to the dinosaurs.

@lmwortho

CW: Can you hold this Snickers?
Me: mmhmm
CW: Are you holding it in your mouth?
Me: mmhmm

@lmwortho

I was going to have a proper career by 30. I’m 47.

@lmwortho

People who tell you to get your kids to help don’t understand how kids work