Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@loudmouth_usa : My therapist wants me to start coming in twice a week probably because I'm super interesting
@loudmouth_usa: TSA Agent (looking at my ID): Is this you?
Me: I believe that is ultimately your decision to make sir.
@loudmouth_usa: person: what is your dog's name
me: he won't say
@loudmouth_usa: Me: Ma'am your pet is loud.
Lady: That's my baby.
Me: Ma'am your pet baby is loud
medic: sir do you need oxygen
me: no dying is fine
@loudmouth_usa: I read that if you have 2 hangovers a year you are an alcoholic so I'm around 104 alcoholics
@loudmouth_usa: 1) Pull black socks to knees 2) Wear sandals 3) Wear Magnum PI shorts 4) Make ball sack slightly visible
-Grandpa's guide to lawn mowing
@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose?
Me: All the dead ones
@loudmouth_usa: Him: Going to Taco Bell, want anything?
Me: I'm just thirsty
Him: What do you want?
Me: Six tacos and a burrito
@loudmouth_usa: Mom: When I was your age I never had sex
Me: Mom, I'm 32
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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