Too much insomnia causes caffeine.
My dogs have requested that I stop trying to homeschool them.
*parachutes into your family BBQ*
I noticed you haven’t retweeted me in a while, but I see you had time to make POTATO SALAD…
People who give you their attention only when they’re lonely or bored…
No thank you.
I already have a cat.
I just saved a ton of money by using my Pizza Hut points to order free pizza- earned from the ton of money I spent on previously ordered pizza.
Imagine the shock of seeing her in RL with her average sized eyeballs and no antlers…
I never realized how many “favorite” coffee mugs I had until other people tried to use them.
I have 2 words for you:
Also, I may be high from paint fumes.
This guy just told me I have beautiful eyes.
Well, he said they were pretty…
Ok, he said “Healthy & no change since your last visit.”
Him: Do you have any hobbies?
Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard*