Because life doesn’t come with a free “stay out of jail card”
I hate when I stand on a scale and it starts to cry and begs me to get off
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life….
How do you know your man is cheating?
When he drives by her place the wifi connects
“One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you….”
under a moving bus
Women are like, “no I’m not mad”
*sets your car on fire*
Nope not mad
Are you guys sure common sense can’t be beaten into people ? Because I’d like to give it try!
I saw a smart car get hit with a snow ball today, yep, it was totalled!
Apparently asking the boss ” who ignited the fuse on your tampon?” will get you sent to HR.
I’m at the age where an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee