@mack44_d

The Shining is on…

…can’t decide if I should watch it or just keep living it.

@mack44_d

Me: ‘I just want to do something spontaneous.’

Combustion: ‘We’ll see.’

@mack44_d

So, my wife did NOT appreciate her Yelp review…

@mack44_d

Only marriage can turn an incorrectly folded towel into an act of war.

@mack44_d

Heart: Go get her.
Mind: It’s so risky.
Body: I love this couch.

@mack44_d

I’m pretty sure M. Night Shyamalan is directing 2020.

@mack44_d

*40’s after sex*

Her: ‘That was amazing. Let’s do it again.’

Me: ‘Like…today?’

@mack44_d

Wait – so Nutella isn’t Cinderella’s crazy sister?!

@mack44_d

‘We both know you need to pee:’

~the monster under my bed

@mack44_d

[at park, walking puppy]

Stranger: ‘Aww such a cutie…how old?’

Me: *blushing* ‘Thank you. 49.’