The Shining is on…
…can’t decide if I should watch it or just keep living it.
Me: ‘I just want to do something spontaneous.’
Combustion: ‘We’ll see.’
So, my wife did NOT appreciate her Yelp review…
Only marriage can turn an incorrectly folded towel into an act of war.
Heart: Go get her.
Mind: It’s so risky.
Body: I love this couch.
I’m pretty sure M. Night Shyamalan is directing 2020.
*40’s after sex*
Her: ‘That was amazing. Let’s do it again.’
Wait – so Nutella isn’t Cinderella’s crazy sister?!
‘We both know you need to pee:’
~the monster under my bed
[at park, walking puppy]
Stranger: ‘Aww such a cutie…how old?’
Me: *blushing* ‘Thank you. 49.’