@marcia_bee

Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be.
Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit?
Serious inquiries only.

@marcia_bee

Coworker: I lost my phone.

Me: WHAT?

CW: I don’t know where it is.

M:*perplexed look* You’re not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!

@marcia_bee

I was going to suggest Twitter to have a live Nativity scene but I think it’s going to be impossible.
A virgin and 3 wise men? On here?!

@marcia_bee

Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo.

@marcia_bee

Imagine me in bed.

Wrong.

Wetter.

Wrong again.

Wetter.

Wrong AGAIN!

Soaking wet.

This leaky roof is gonna cost me a fortune to fix!

@marcia_bee

What’s a drug lord woman called?

A drug lady?

A heroin heroine?!

@marcia_bee

Note to self: “rubber” in the US does NOT mean “eraser”. Bright side: my popularity in this office is at an all time high!