People who push and shove to get on a flight before other passengers are possibly going to get to their end destination one second faster.
When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you’d end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity’s Instagram.
I’m disappointed to see that a lot of women are using “period tracker apps” now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.
My neighbour has been playing the bongos for over an hour, and I thought he was meditating until I heard him sing “Yeah, shake that shit…”
Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people’s heads saying “The court room sketch artist is so hunky.”
1am: Huh, I’m not tired…
2am: I feel great! Maybe I don’t need sleep?
3am: LET’S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I’VE EVER HAD.
3:04am: Euthanise me.
At some point, male “pick-up artists” are just going to start chasing women around like Benny Hill.
Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing?
My cat’s staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she’s mulling over past social situations she wishes she’d handled better.
A celebrity died? Better take this opportunity to tell everyone a very personal story about that one time you saw them eating falafel.