Approach a woman in a bar and whisper “Hey, wanna get out of here?” If she says yes, you can sit where she was.
Bing is a fast search engine because you’re the only person using it.
If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That’s what happened to Australia.
Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.
I casually mentioned to my cat that I’ve petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said “How many?”
If a soccer player falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it, do they still flail their arms and cry and act like a big dumb baby?
Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He’d be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you’ll have the element of surprise.