Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@mattZillaaaa : My anxiety is so bad I keep thinking that I forgot to shut the garage door and I don’t even have a garage.
@mattZillaaaa: Florida’s state motto should be “hold my beer.”
@mattZillaaaa: *pulls up to drive thru window
Hi yes, do you guys deliver?
@mattZillaaaa: This is going to be my year.
WebMD: paranoid schizophrenia
@mattZillaaaa: Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.
@mattZillaaaa: Some girl I don’t even know has been telling people that I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship.
@mattZillaaaa: Someone at work said they saw me over the weekend and they said hi and I looked but just kept on walking and I was like yeah.
@mattZillaaaa: My friend is celebrating 1 week without smoking cigarettes so to celebrate, I’m getting us some cocaine.
@mattZillaaaa: Ran into an old friend who said that they thought I was dead. It was nice catching up.
@mattZillaaaa: Having someone cancel plans on you is like watching trash take itself out.