I am leaving Twitter. I can’t take all the political banter and the mean and nasty things people say on here anymore. I will be back in an hour.
Just saw a couple jogging together and it inspired me to stay on the Internet
Someone in the office sneezed so instead of saying “bless you” I looked them dead in the eyes and sprayed a can of Lysol.
People are all like once you turn 30 you never want to leave your house. I was 4.
*moves all unread emails to trash
Omg I got so much done today.
My anxiety is so bad I keep thinking that I forgot to shut the garage door and I don’t even have a garage.
Florida’s state motto should be “hold my beer.”
*pulls up to drive thru window
Hi yes, do you guys deliver?
This is going to be my year.
WebMD: paranoid schizophrenia
Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.