Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us
@mattZillaaaa : *moves all unread emails to trash
Omg I got so much done today.
@mattZillaaaa: My anxiety is so bad I keep thinking that I forgot to shut the garage door and I don’t even have a garage.
@mattZillaaaa: Florida’s state motto should be “hold my beer.”
@mattZillaaaa: *pulls up to drive thru window
Hi yes, do you guys deliver?
@mattZillaaaa: This is going to be my year.
WebMD: paranoid schizophrenia
@mattZillaaaa: Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.
@mattZillaaaa: Some girl I don’t even know has been telling people that I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship.
@mattZillaaaa: Someone at work said they saw me over the weekend and they said hi and I looked but just kept on walking and I was like yeah.
@mattZillaaaa: My friend is celebrating 1 week without smoking cigarettes so to celebrate, I’m getting us some cocaine.
@mattZillaaaa: Ran into an old friend who said that they thought I was dead. It was nice catching up.