@matt_simpson84

My wife and I have an ongoing game called “Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House” that she doesn’t know we are playing

@matt_simpson84

Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said “yeah right” and put em back on the shelf

@matt_simpson84

That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11

@matt_simpson84

The best thing about Facebook is learning about all the 19-year-olds that miss the 80s.