@maurajbg

I’m dressing up as a public radio station for Halloween so my parents will support me again.

@maurajbg

*sees a newborn baby*
One day, someone will write mean things about you on the Internet

@maurajbg

A bird laments over the corpse of its fallen comrade. “Tern down. For what?”

@maurajbg

I’m naming all my children after Instagram filters. Hudson, Walden, Valencia, Kelvin, Brannan, Willow, and the twins, Toaster and 1977.

@maurajbg

ME: Say “Anagrams are stupid” one more time & I will rearrange your face.
YOU: Anagrams are stupid.
ME: You farce.