I’m dressing up as a public radio station for Halloween so my parents will support me again.
*sees a newborn baby*
One day, someone will write mean things about you on the Internet
A bird laments over the corpse of its fallen comrade. “Tern down. For what?”
I’m naming all my children after Instagram filters. Hudson, Walden, Valencia, Kelvin, Brannan, Willow, and the twins, Toaster and 1977.
ME: Say “Anagrams are stupid” one more time & I will rearrange your face.
YOU: Anagrams are stupid.
ME: You farce.