@maurex23

[God creating the frog]
“How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?”

@maurex23

“I like Trump because he isn’t a politician.”

Right, because whenever my toilet breaks I call my electrician.

@maurex23

[spelling bee]

-your word is ‘amnesia’

-can you use it a sentence, please?

-your word is ‘amnesia’

@maurex23

Top 5 birth control methods

1. pills
2. hysterectomy
3. jean jackets
4. crocs
5. putting ketchup all over the fries instead of on the side

@maurex23

WINDEX CEO: listen, I can’t have you making puns anymore.
EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear–
CEO: you’re fired.