On some level I’ve always known that caterpillars drink dewdrops. But I never sat down to think about it while crossing the street before.
You don’t realize how old a movie is until you see the computer in it
I’m enjoying a run through the sprinkler, but everyone else “smells smoke” and “thinks we should leave the conference room”
Maybe I should’ve learned to code instead of majoring in Bermuda Triangle Studies
Saw a woman leave her dog in the car, engine running, air on. He watched her from the front seat for a moment and then drove away
Before the invention of the automobile, you had to put roller skates on your horse
Saw a deer on my bike but didn’t have my phone to take a pic. Hopefully one day he will return my bike tho
This milk is so far past its expiration date that I’m only going to have a small slice.
Never go grocery shopping hungry. Always bring a chair to the furniture store. Buy clothes in a swimsuit. I’m not clear on the rules
The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn’t unpacking, it’s the looming threat of nuclear war
Seems like I can’t even sit on a park bench anymore without someone’s henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases
[frantically pressing buttons on spaceship control panel] WHICH ONE IS FOR POPCORN
[i read a pun]
me: ugh, no[i make a pun]
me: BEHOLD THE ARTISTRY
When I use my grandmother’s cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she’s way, way up there repairing the space station
*grabs your ankle from a storm sewer* if your barbie doll needs a hula hoop use an onion ring