@max_pad21

My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash

@max_pad21

I failed my Driver’s test. Driving teacher: “What do you do at a red light?” Me: “I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter.”

@max_pad21

Patient: “How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: “Ten.” Patient: “Ten what?” Doctor: “Nine…”