@mayamanion

Anyone else get nervous when their life is going too well? Like right now I have 3 phone chargers.

@mayamanion

I encourage my kids to do well in school so I don’t have to meet with their teachers.

@mayamanion

Good news, I don’t have the virus. Bad news, I can still taste my cooking.

@mayamanion

My kids asked me where dinner is? Oh shit, was that today?

@mayamanion

Rich people say “Summered” we summered on Cape Cod. We went to Maine once on a Wednesday, I Wednesdayed in Maine

@mayamanion

I’ve been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I’m still fat, I’m calling bullshit.

@mayamanion

Who needs whips and chains? Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

@mayamanion

Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?

@mayamanion

In my son’s class they were talking about allergies, my son said “My mom says she’s allergic to most other moms” Super

@mayamanion

The whole “bad boy” thing is fun until you have kids with him. Ooh you drank away the diaper money? That’s soooo hot