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@mdob11 : Men are like buses, they won't text me back.
@mdob11: Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they're special.
@mdob11: You brought me roses? I can't eat this. Get out.
@mdob11: You didn't comment on my selfie.
WHO IS SHE
@mdob11: I'm giving up for Lent.
@mdob11: Me: No, you hang up first
Pizza Hut: *click*
@mdob11: I'm not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
@mdob11: 'NO NO NO NO NO NO' - My brain, every time words start coming out of my mouth.
@mdob11: My cat just winked at me and now it's awkward because I only see her as a friend.
@mdob11: 'It's ok, I'm from the internet', I whisper from under your bed as you call the police.