Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of meghaffer's best tweets

@meghaffer : My son has been awake for 15 minutes which means he's been telling me all about his favorite video game for 15 minutes.

@meghaffer: OMG this view is amazing!!!

- me opening the lid on the pizza box

@meghaffer: I'm not saying my house is haunted, but something just growled in here. It can't see me if I hide under the covers right?

@meghaffer: If listening to a 30 minute explanation of a 5 minute YouTube clip sounds fun, parenting may be right for you.

@meghaffer: Are sharks attracted to or repelled by pickles? I need to pack my beach cooler just right.

@meghaffer: *Sees feelings chasing me down.
*Builds wall of McDonald's fries.
*Crisis averted.

@meghaffer: I ate vegetables and now I'm hungrier than before. Donuts don't betray me like this.

@meghaffer: Seduction is an art and some of you are still making stick figures in finger paint

@meghaffer: Spring allergies- because my body likes to panic about plant sex

@meghaffer: I was worried about being overdressed for a Walmart run, but I spilled my dinner on my shirt, so I'm good now.