Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@meghaffer : My son has been awake for 15 minutes which means he's been telling me all about his favorite video game for 15 minutes.
@meghaffer: OMG this view is amazing!!!
- me opening the lid on the pizza box
@meghaffer: I'm not saying my house is haunted, but something just growled in here. It can't see me if I hide under the covers right?
@meghaffer: If listening to a 30 minute explanation of a 5 minute YouTube clip sounds fun, parenting may be right for you.
@meghaffer: Are sharks attracted to or repelled by pickles? I need to pack my beach cooler just right.
@meghaffer: *Sees feelings chasing me down.
*Builds wall of McDonald's fries.
@meghaffer: I ate vegetables and now I'm hungrier than before. Donuts don't betray me like this.
@meghaffer: Seduction is an art and some of you are still making stick figures in finger paint
@meghaffer: Spring allergies- because my body likes to panic about plant sex
@meghaffer: I was worried about being overdressed for a Walmart run, but I spilled my dinner on my shirt, so I'm good now.