It’s so nice that Girl Scout Cookies come in single serving packages.
Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date
If you want to romance me, take me to a nice restaurant with good climate control, but not too fancy. I want to wear my jeans and sneakers. Ok just take me to McDonald’s. It’s my second home.
It’s National Donut Day and I have failed to eat a single donut. 2020 is truly a catastrophe…
The sun is stupid. My bed is stupid. These clothes are stupid. People are stupid. Work is stupid…
Everything is still stupid, but with more energy
*walks into your house*
*sees doll collection*
*backs out slowly lest the dolls notice me and decide to attack*
My family is driving me more nuts than usual. If you find me wandering the streets in a daze, please don’t return me home.
I told my kid that the fish fossil was found 194 years ago. He asked if I’d found it. And that’s when he mysteriously disappeared…
Hungry? Have a snack
Tired? Have a snack
Cranky? Have a snack
Planning to take over the world? Have a snack
Snacks are ALWAYS the answer
I’d love to meet up with you but my squirrel says it’s a bad idea and I always listen to her