Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of mejustbeth's best tweets

@mejustbeth : Outside is where I can see all the leg hair I missed when shaving so maybe I should be shaving my legs outside.

@mejustbeth: My cat has a legal name but she prefers to go by her pet name.

@mejustbeth: I made up a new language yesterday right after I broke my toe.

@mejustbeth: A vulture floats lazily overhead. Here come a few of his friends. Oh, and a few more. Look, now they're circling.

Maybe I should move.

@mejustbeth: Accidentally bought a left-handed bottle of shampoo and now I have to shower facing the other direction.

@mejustbeth: During winter months, some people will try to hug you just to steal some of your body heat.
Beware of false huggers.

@mejustbeth: Back to school sale prices are so cheap. I'm getting all of my Christmas shopping done.
25 cent rulers for everyone!

@mejustbeth: Someone in my neighborhood is cooking bacon and now I'm wondering if I should have been more friendly to my neighbors for the last 18 years.

@mejustbeth: Current status: I just turned on the garbage disposal so the cats wouldn't hear me getting the cheese out of the fridge.

@mejustbeth: Someone talked me into trying an egg nog flavored candy cane.

Don't let this happen to you!