Wasted my annual good hair day at work again this year.
Caution: Cutting corners may lead to extra corners.
It seems like I only lose weight when I don’t buy ice cream.
Can someone else start buying my ice cream for me please?
Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I’ll put some clothes on too.
Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won’t go into a corn maze without a machete.
Thought I was having a good hair day. Mother Nature likes to keep my ego in check though.
She’s really good at that.
Wrong hole! It’s too tight!
-me putting on my watch, you pervs
Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me.
Then he turned around and asked me a question.