@mejustbeth

It seems like I only lose weight when I don’t buy ice cream.

Can someone else start buying my ice cream for me please?

@mejustbeth

Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I’ll put some clothes on too.

@mejustbeth

Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won’t go into a corn maze without a machete.

@mejustbeth

Thought I was having a good hair day. Mother Nature likes to keep my ego in check though.

She’s really good at that.

@mejustbeth

Wrong hole! It’s too tight!

-me putting on my watch, you pervs

@mejustbeth

Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me.
Then he turned around and asked me a question.