@mela_shea

Me: I’m a strong, capable woman who can manage a little road trip by myself

Also me: *scream crying to my GPS* Why are there horses everywhere?! This was supposed to be a highway!

@mela_shea

A cup of tea in the morning and I’m ready to start my day. A cup of tea in the morning from my I Moose Wake Up mug and hell, I’ll start your day too.

@mela_shea

[produce section, grocery store]

Him: *finding the perfect apple* So, is there a Grandpa Smith?

@mela_shea

My only goal for today is to try to find a food that doesn’t taste better with butter.

@mela_shea

[inventing potato chips]

CEO: they’re so fragile, how will they be packaged?

Inventor: in a sturdy box

CEO: nah, let’s go with a bag

Inventor: but they’ll get crushed!

CEO: fill the bag with air

Inventor:

CEO: really strong air

@mela_shea

9 times out of 10 my problems can be fixed with something potato based.

@mela_shea

The name England comes from the words ‘engorged’ and ‘gland’ inspired, of course, by the shape of the country.

@mela_shea

A wine sampling? How delightful. I’d also like to experience only a titch of love and a morsel of happiness.

@mela_shea

Pineapples are grown in South America. They’re picked, washed, quality checked, sorted by size, packed, shipped then driven from the destination port to your local grocer and somehow that process seems easier than getting my laundry done.

@mela_shea

I once told a guy that I was really into physics so he surprised me with a copy of Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time and that was the exact moment I remembered the word I was looking for was psychics.