@metickleu

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.

@metickleu

Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill – tomorrow I think I’ll actually turn it on!

@metickleu

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, ‘No we all seem to enjoy it.’

@metickleu

Still being single at the age of 32 just means I statistically avoided my first divorce.

@metickleu

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.