@michaelianblack

Ted Cruz thinks:
1. Presidents should pray every day
2. More prayers the better
3. Muslims pray 5x day
4. Ted Cruz wants a Muslim president.

@michaelianblack

Kim Davis becoming a Republican, dealing a huge blow to the “intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalist” wing of the Democratic Party.

@michaelianblack

The phrase “Whatever floats your boat” is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that’s going to float your boat is water.

@michaelianblack

Every picture I’ve seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.

@michaelianblack

Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me.

@michaelianblack

“The ankle so important to a basketball player.” Something the announcer just said.

@michaelianblack

Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.