[looking at flocks of squawking crows]
We have to stop these senseless murders
Lawyer: is it true these numbers are all fake?
Defendant: no– they all actually exist
Judge: lol owned *high-5s defendant*
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about
Pigeon: the distance a pig travels in one eon
Shouldn’t the sea be called an isntland?
Sir, I don’t know how you keep getting in here, but again, this is not what a think tank does
*rearranges underwear drawer*
Neighbor: the party’s downstairs. Please get out of my room
Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
A little Caesar’s pizza joke, eh?
Daddy, why is grandma so bitter?
I don’t know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful
The baby’s trying to eat the poinsettia again
Well, maybe we should get rid of it
The plant? But we just got it
. . .Haha yeah, the plant