@momTruthBomb

During this difficult time, I urge all parents to go through their children’s toys after they go to bed tonight and throw out any kazoos and whistles.

It’s too late for me, but PLEASE save yourselves!

@momTruthBomb

When picking art supplies for your children, never pick glitter. You will always regret picking glitter.

@momTruthBomb

“Watch what happens when the human children hear the sound of their mother eating something four rooms away.”

-if animals made nature shows

@momTruthBomb

When you tell me to “Go outside and play” you mean go outside & then back inside, then outside, then inside a million times, right?

– kids

@momTruthBomb

A lot of parenting involves doing really nice things for your kids, and your kids making you regret that decision instantly.

@momTruthBomb

Parenting means you will never say “What?!” again without sounding annoyed.

@momTruthBomb

All the baby books tell you that infants need to eat every 2 to 3 hours, but what they fail to mention is that this behavior continues until the child turns 18 and moves out of your house.

@momTruthBomb

If I could just figure out how to decorate piles of laundry, my house would look AMAZING during Christmas.

@momTruthBomb

Whoever had the bright idea of putting book jackets on children’s books clearly never had children of their own.

@momTruthBomb

I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I’m covering for Debbie this weekend.