@mom_tho

My favorite sound in the world is my kids laughter.

A close second is when their breathing changes indicating they’ve fallen asleep thus giving me permission to stare at my phone peacefully

@mom_tho

R.E.M: Stand in the place where you live

CDC: Exactly

R.E.M.: Now face north, think about direction, wonder why you haven’t before

CDC: Uh, okay?

R.E.M.: Now stand in the place where you work

CDC: NO

@mom_tho

Me: How do you like your new bed?

Dog: I love it, it was delicious!!

Me: What?

Dog: Wut

@mom_tho

6: I’m hungry

Me: Well it’s almost dinner time so no snacks right now

6: If it’s almost dinner why aren’t you in the kitchen?

Husband: Oh no

@mom_tho

My ex-boyfriend once stood over my shoulder while I peeled an onion and told me how his mom could do it faster

@mom_tho

Husband: Did you just change from one set of pjs to another?

Me:

H:

Me:

H: …you look great

@mom_tho

After I fell asleep on the couch my sweet 3 year old daughter came over, draped her blankie over me, and lovingly put a Cheez-it in my mouth. She gets me.

@mom_tho

6: Mom will you play with me?

Me: Sure buddy

6: Yay! Okay you can sit right there, you don’t even have to get up!

Me: ʸᵒᵘ’ʳᵉ ᵐʸ ᶠᵃᵛᵒʳᶦᵗᵉ ᵏᶦᵈ

@mom_tho

There are two types of women: the ones who buy cute new clothes for a trip and the ones who pack old stretchy leggings and tops expecting full well to gain 5 lbs in 4 days, of which I am the latter

@mom_tho

Locked myself in the bathroom for 2 minutes of solace when lo and behold my 3 year old Macgyvered her way in with a hair clip. I’m too upset to be impressed.