that moment when your spouse asks if you’re listening and yes is not the right answer but no is also not the right answer
“There are way too many people in there.”
~my 7yo’s review of Where’s Waldo
I am always reminded of how much I am needed as a mother and wife the exact second I sit down on the toilet.
Once your kid learns about the planet Uranus, you can bet uranus you’ll be hearing uranus puns for months.
Kids will keep you humble. If not by their words, then by the picture they drew of you.
Me: How long should I microwave this for?
Popcorn instructions: How should we know?
I showed my kids how to use encyclopedias. I stacked four of them to reach something on the top shelf.
When I woke my son up, he growled at me and I was like, “First of all, you need to get ready for school, and second of all, you raise a good point.”
My daughter asked me what a colonoscopy was so I gave her an honest answer. She learned about colonoscopies and I learned I need to be less honest.
Ghosts will turn lights on and off, open and close doors, move objects, but never once have they ever turned on a treadmill and I think that’s very telling.
It didn’t intend to write my 7-year-old’s school paper for him but I thought it was best for both of us I take over when he asked me how to spell serial killer.
My son is begging for a pet dog as if he doesn’t remember what happened with our chia pet. Or the second chia pet. Or the third…
Washing instructions: Hand wash only.
Me: We’ll see about that.
I was a far more confident parent when I didn’t have any kids.
Me: I’m not watching that movie. It got 3 stars.
Also me: *watches the roomba chase down a dorito for 45 minutes*