Me: *talking to teen daughter*
Teen: I can’t hear you.
Me: *unplugs WiFi*
Teen: I HEARD THAT!
Kid: Where do babies come from?
Me: I’ll tell you when you’re older.
Kid: Have you seen my harmonica?
Me: So when a man and a woman…
Pro: My 9-year-old packed her own suitcase.
Con: My 9-year-old packed her own suitcase.
My kids love playing pretend. My 9yo pretends to be a dinosaur and my 13yo pretends she doesn’t know us.
Crayons: come in boxes of 8, 24, 64, or 96
School supply list: box of 18 crayons
I vastly underestimated how many times my toddler would want to listen to Baby Shark on a cross-country road trip.
Every grocery store has a manager, a clerk, and a person standing in front of the spices learning how alphabetical order works for the very first time.
I jammed the laundry room door and now I can’t get in there and WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF DOING THIS SOONER?!
Relationship status: If my husband is running his fingers through my hair, it’s to retrieve food.
I want my morning coffee to give the same amount of energy that my kids get when they hear me say it’s bedtime.
12yo: My friend has 2 tiktok accounts.
Me: One is for her mom to follow and the other is for her friends to follow.
12yo: Kids do that?
Me:
12yo:
Me: No.
I’m always a stone’s throw away from my children. I have the forehead bruise to prove it.
When do kids stop eating things they find on the floor? According to my husband it’s not 38.
My daughter once summarized a 10 minute story in 4 hours.
When do you introduce yourself to your new neighbors? Is it after 5 years? Tell me it’s after you hit their mailbox with your car.