Me: Why did I walk in this room?
My brain: Not sure but here’s a song from 2005 I’m gonna play on repeat for the next 10 hours.
Waking kids up 1st day of school: hey sweeties time to wake up I made you a frittata, fruit salad, and freshly squeezed orange juice
Waking kids up for the second day of school: EVERYBODY UP WE’RE LATE GRAB A POP TART AND GOOOOO
The political activism in this country has gotten out of hand. My son is lobbying for equal pay from the tooth fairy after hearing that some kid got $20.
High Schools: Make sure your student gets plenty of sleep
Also High Schools: Bus comes at sunrise
My Alexa can now understand my toddler.
Pray for me.
I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp but also not enough to stop touching cacti.
Me: I will not be tricked into buying stuff I don’t need.
Ad: Buy 4, get one free.
Me: I’ll take 10 then.
I want to buy a haunted house, not so haunted where I can’t live in it but enough so my kids don’t get out of bed in the middle of the night.
Be careful giving your kids access to the internet. I let my 3-year-old play on my phone for 30 minutes and now she won’t stop talking about a podcast she listened to.
Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.
Single people at the grocery store are without a care in the world as if they don’t have to worry about bringing home the wrong yogurt
There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar
This recipe calls for 4 cups of cheese. That seems like an awful lot. I’ll add 6 just in case.
I like having younger friends. They’re fun, energetic, adventurous, and then they recommend going out after 8 PM and I’m like, this friendship has run its course.
I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.